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Badass Boast
This tropper got one without saying a word. Got into an argument with some queue-cutter at an amusement park. I am not really at ease with discussion negociation or anything social, as I am kind of a shy guy, but I had enough and I was not ready to let them pass. At the end, the biggest mouth of their group said something like "look, dude, I kinda like you, and I really don't want to hit you and humiliate you in front of your friends and girl"... I think that is the way my friend just burst out of laughter when he heard him, laughter who was cutting short when I handled him my glasses without stopping looking at the other guy, which sold it. My friends said that was my little smile... * "I wasn't afraid of a fucking six-foot-tall albino with a hunting knife bigger than my dick; I wasn't afraid of smacking a cop in the fucking face with his own gun; I wasn't afraid of jumping off a speeding motorcycle; I've been hit by a truck, shot in the chest, stabbed in the neck with a key by a junkie bitch who then leapt upon with all her eighty kilos... do you really think I'm afraid of you, you fucking piece of shit; WELL DO YA, PUNK?!!!" My brother said this to a tall and fat guy who was bugging him. I managed to record the whole boast with my cellphone without him noticing. The funny thing is, he wasn't making up any of it. That's right, any of it. ** WIN. ** He kinda implied he had a small dick. *** Or his attacker had a big knife * This tropette to someone about to attack her: "I have been in 10 fights with people like you. Some were bigger. Most were smarter. A couple were faster. The best of them managed to hit me twice before I had him screaming on the floor. In the unlikely event that it looks like you'll be the one to finally get lucky, I think I can get my thumbs through your eyes and into your brain before you can hurt me enough that I can't move. (Examines her nails) To quote an idol of mine, do you feel lucky?" * This Troper has a sort of Badass Boast combined with totally Misplaced Nationalism. Here goes. We annihilated Amalek and defeated the Assyrians. We survived Egypt, Babylon, and Rome. We were scattered to the four corners of the Earth and made our home thrive again. Behind every advance of modern philosophy, science, culture, and art proudly stands one of our number, and we continue, as ever, to fight for the advance of morality and civilization. We have passed through the worst evils of this world, emerging stronger than before, and the very gods of our old enemies exist now only in the jeers of our histories! JUST WHO THE HELL DO YOU THINK WE ARE!!!!!!?!????? ** Note: This Troper does not need an individual Badass Boast. Very few people mess with me to that point. *** Lemme take a wild guess and say that you are a fellow Jew. *** JUST JEW IT. :D *** This Troper is actually Christian, not Jewish, and still believes that to be the most awesome Badass Boast ever simply because it is TRUE... AND references Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann! *** "The difficult we do immediately. The impossible takes a little longer." — David Ben-Gurion. We can only conclude that this man and his band of early Zionists were the earliest group of Gurren Lagann fanboys in history. In true the Dai-Gurren Way, they rowed and fought the power sixty years before the Testaments of Kamina and Shimon (a Hebrew name!) actually existed. *** That sounds a lot like something Mark Twain once wrote yep, we are pretty cool when you stop to think about it, now if only we can agree on something... ** This just bugs me. "Every advance of modern philosophy, science, culture, and art"? Really? Are you even listening to yourself? * "F* ck with me, that's fine, but f* ck with MY FRIENDS, AND I WILL END YOU!" this really happened. * This troperette does this: Me: (Death Glare) Try it. You'll be in heaven or heck soon. ** Being afraid to say 'hell' is the opposite of badass. * "I am not A crazy Asian. I am THE crazy Asian!" Inspired by Kung Fu Panda, no less. * "I may be just a joke to you, but know this: I understand how your body works on a molecular level, and it's child's play for me to stop that." Needless to say, you don't fuck with biology students. ** Was that before or after the guy who could fight turned your face inside out? Nobody's ever been intimidated by a biologist... *** I suppose it helps that I'm about an inch or so in height away from qualifying as being built like a brick shit house and that I perpetuate an image of mentally unstable glee at the thought of using a wire saw on people. Biologists are more the icing on the cake than the dough of physically imposing features. ** Similiarly: "I've watched as a man was decapitated with a knife, as mobs doled out punishment with the sharpened edge of a shovel and as lead slugs ripped through flesh and bone. What makes you think I would have any qualms about ramming a metal table-leg down through your clavical notch and into your miserable excuse for a heart?" * This Troper once delivered a Badass Boast to a mosquito: "We have wiped out countless species. Most of them were tougher than you are. A few were better at surviving. The only reason you're alive right now is that humanity hasn't been motivated enough to wipe you out. Don't tempt us." Followed up with an electric mosquito swatter. * This Troper,who in two scenarios so far,used the boast."I may not be the best,but I know what I am good at."Spoken to one person, who tried to fight me,and was really good at punching.I am very good at being defensive,and so after fighting me for so long,I tired them out. I won with one punch,despite not wanting to in the first place. * Mine: "I'm not hitting you. Do you know why? It's because I know how to break every bone in your body. I will if you don't stop." Needless to say, it worked. Until he brought back friends. ** I also have a second one: "Why do you insist on trying to hurt me. It doesn't work, I won't hit you back. However, I can hurt you in ways you couldn't even dream of, with things you couldn't even imagine." It helps that the inside of my brain is a gatorade fueled Eldritch Abomination. * "Go on mock me as much you want, but I DO hope you have friends to back you up if I start. When I get really pissed I don't give a f** king warn like now I'll just throw my punch on your face and I won't stop 'til you bleed. Sure I'll get arrested, but more than definitely it will be worth." Right it sounds "cliche" enough so you'd only hear in an movie, but This Troper actually said that. Once. * Once I wrote this line for a villain in an RP. "You wish to challenge me? I am Might. You wish to fight me? I am Power. You wish to kill me? I am Death! I am Absolute! I AM ETERNITY! * One time in the fourth grade This Troper was being bothered by a bully. he kept saying stuff like "Is this your binder? Would you freak out if I pushed it down?" I simply flipped the (Rather sharp) pencil I was using around into a stabbing position and whispered "Would you like to try?" * This male troper has a couple that I've had the occasion to use. As a child my family urged me to use psychological warfare on people who taunted me. The first one, to a kid who annoyed me while walking down the hallway one day, delivered almost in a whisper with a smile on my face, Do you really want to do that? Let me explain something to you. I was raised by women and ONLY women. I can think of torture methods you can't even fathom. My second is the one I use when I have to scare people who go, What Kind of Lame Power is Heart Anyway usually it's delivered in a manner similar to how the tenth and eleventh Doctors in Doctor Who talk: You think there's only one way to inflict damage on somebody? Ha, here's the thing, I know everything about you. Every fear, every insecurity, foible, enjoyment and weakness you have. Not because I'm psychic but because I know how to read people. I know what goes on in their hearts. Give me a reason, give me a reason and I will use every single thing I know, every secret you've ever entrusted me with, every decision I've ever seen you make and I will TEAR YOUR WORLD APART! When I'm done all you'll be, is a shivering wreck of your own insecurities crying in a corner. I'm going to tell you once and only once: Stand down! ** ... dude, high five, right now. *** Possible retort: "If you're that smart, you know what I'll do to you if you try." * From my rp, Code Geass Rise of Forces, there is the Dictator of Indonesia, Mr. Subarno. "I am known first by many, not as dictator of Indonesia, but as the Black Viper, my bite has destroyed all enemies who have dared to oppose me. I do not bother with secret police simply because I face all my enemies head on, with my own power, now feel my venom course through your veins Kyle Tsuyoishi!! * This troper loves to use badass boasts while facing real life opponents in video games contests. An example ? "With Gabranth, I am still undefeated. They say undefeated and invincible aren't the same. Just try and prove it." Still I haven't got any proofs, 15 fights later... ** A little later, against a slightly more worthy opponent, after being hit (and while fighting, obviously) "Such magnificent techniques. Perhaps they would allow you to win against most opponents. What a pity you're wasting them - as well as my time - here." The best part of it ? This troper landed the final hit at the end of his boast. * One that I love to use, because it makes people think twice about doing anything : "Do you see this scar next to my right eye? That's what happened the last time a guy tried to fight with me seriously. He had a knife, I didn't. You'll notice I don't have any other scar." * I live in a semi-shady area in Toronto, Canada (between Danforth and Greenwood for those who're locals). Recently, the neighbors put up this message. It's so badass, I had to put it here. ** To Drug Users Drug Dealers and Thieves. NOTICE. We are watching you. We are taking photographs and plate numbers and descriptions. / We are sick of you in our neighborhood. We want you away from our homes and our lives and our children. / We put you on notice: we know who you are and the police are watching you. So are we. ** As of this posting, someone has tried to tear down this notice. They didn't succeed. * I have a small problem with abusive boyfriends. So being a stable worker on the weekends I usually have a pocket knife on me. Exiting the mall one Saturday I saw a scumbag who was threatening a girl with putting a cigarette out in her eye. Not one to allow this to happen I quietly slipped behind him and pressed the point of the knife very firmly and discreetly into his lower spine and said: :"They wouldn't even convict me... Next time it crosses your mind to even look at her wrong remember that someone like me could be near by watching, listening, waiting for you to give them an excuse to make you a smear on the sidewalk." * I get Badass Boasts by freakin' proxy. I once heard a friend say to a new girl, "Oh, that's name. She's pretty wappy and can't have certain foods. She's also really, really smart and will help you out if you're having trouble in different subjects, like ICT or English. Don't upset her, though. She explodes." ** That actually sounds more like they think you act like a cranky old lady. * One month ago, this Troper's father warned him to be careful on the streets, because I'm going in a night-time class and I live close to a slum with drug trafficants. I said "You're afraid they will kill me? Maybe, but I'm only falling after the whole crew's dead, bloody and cold around me". Next day, an stupid classmate of mine threatens me, saying "I'll kill ya, okay?!" I answered "I am Death." He didn't take it seriously and said he would shoot me. I asked "Just that? How unimaginative... Of course, some people are too afraid of facing me with just fists. Can't hope you to have the balls. Or do You? God may not exist, but the Grim Reaper does. He's right in front of you." I said that while holding a sharp pencil, so he just shup up and stopped bothering me. ** He probably just thought you were crazy. ** Whatever works. * I. AM. JAMIE!!!!! -Said during a paintball match. To put into context, an Elite Mook called the Terminator had found me. I challenged him. The above was the result of Ham To Ham Combat. * Some guy threatned to beat me, or something of the sort. My Response: "Please oh PLEASE try to do it. There's been nothing exciting going on for a while and I REALLY need to shed some blood, so come on, I DARE YOU to indulge me. He acted as if he wasn't afraid of me and said he'll get me... guess what, it hasn't happened yet and it was a year ago... * A friend of mine was getting grief from a bully, who was slagging him over his choice of college (he's a film student, which for some reason isn't considered a "real" major. Go figure.) His response? : "You know, I don't think we've been introduced. Hi. I'm (his name). I'm a black belt in six different martial arts, I'm the head of the fencing soc, and I'm presently carrying three knives around my person. Back off. Now. * Back in my roleplaying days I was the server super-heel and resident dragon-for-hire to all the major cult guilds. One of my favourites was "I've taken more lives than you've had days, elfling, yet I stand before you a man of rotting flesh and splintering bone. I've waged war on every continent, brought death to every side in every conflict since the fall of the first age. Prove yourself child. The young blade forged in the hatred of all else or me? The blade whetted against the ages, sharpened on the birth of conflict and forged in the shifting life-blood of this planet. Come and fight me, the primordial essence of violence. Fight me and test the edge that split the heavens asunder and carved the root of hell into the stone. I am the blade that cut the cord at the birth of creation. I am the ancient, marrless surface of iron. I am the iron lich of Errebus, the pinaccle of undeath and the envoy of the machine. FIGHT ME!" Imagine the master was undead, almost undetectable when sneaking, a master of both alchemy and engineering and was one of the most powerful omnidisciplinarian assassins in existance. That was Zen. ** So did you copy and paste that or type it out every time? * This Troper's Badass Boast: "This... is my M16 Paintball Gun! The weapon that no god can survive, that no mortal can comprehend... Challenge me, and there will be no survivors, even if they were dead to begin wit * Upon this troper's phone being stolen, this troper's little sister sent a text message: "Surrender the phone or all of my house shall fall upon you and yours with a vengeance to shake the stars and be whispered of in tales of terror a thousand years hence. I do not threaten; I merely advise: it is unwise to awaken a fury that you cannot quell, and my house is much given to fury." A reply came: "u crazy bitch". A phone tracker was employed, and my sister and her friends set a certain somebody's front yard on fire. The phone was handed in to my school's lost property office within the week. Heehee. * This troper, in a French lesson, managed to have himself insulted for 45 minutes straight by an idiot behind me, without blinking once. Yet she began to insult both me and my friends in the same sentence. In my back. I slowly turned to face her, smiled... And she got her friend's pencil case slammed in her face in a split-second. The teacher was... Understatement perplexed. She wanted to see me at the end of the lesson. All I said was "She did deserve it. I am not one to be violent usually. I do not regret it a single second." The teacher asked: "And... what will happen next ?", obviously talking about that girl's muscle-headed friends being out for revenge. I only replied with a quiet "I do not hold grudges, do not worry for her." * This troper is a really simple guy, not stupid, i just see no need to mince words. after some schoolyard bullying i told the offender (6 feet of solid jock) "you are really starting to piss me off", he laughed, (i don't look very intimidating) then in lesson he pulled my chair out from under me, i stood back up, picked the chair up, then promptly smashed it over his head. simple and direct, nobody ever messed with me after that. * This one managed to create a pretty memorable one for his character in a Battle Tech game: “I am So-sha Tachibana Sigmund, son of Tachibana Hirotaro, son of Tachibana Byorginvindor of the Tachibana Samurai of Vorarlberg; Bearer of the Spear of Odin granted by the Gunjin-no-Kanrei for Slaying Ronin; Field Commander of the undefeated Discord Company, who bloodied the Jade Falcons on Last Chance and withdrew to warn of the coming storm; Guardians of Kooken’s where I captured a Super Nova by dueling their Elemental Commander unaugmented; Pheonix of Alyina where we triumphed despite all odds and the destruction of our Drop Ship; Pacifiers of Apollo where we destroyed the corrupt seed of the Usurper and defeated the commander of the Falcons in an honorable Trial; hear my batchall Jade Falcons, I come for this planet, and bring Discord Company, what forces will you sacrifice to chaos in a vain defense?” * The response to a short badass boast: "I'd like to see you try". The response to a long one, "Are you done yet?" My personal boast, should I have occasion to use it, "This is pointless, we're (both/all) idiots and I'm going to hurt you for no good reason." * While nowhere near as badass as some of the boasts made on this page, this Troper has one that he uses whenever appropriate: "I once spent 3 hours smacking a handball against a concret wall. You wanna find out how that feels, you just keep on pushing me." * While not by me, This Troper took the Gravemind's already-badass end-of-Halo-3 boast and expanded upon it in a fanfic*: "I HAVE WANDERED THE REALM OF EXISTENCE SINCE BEFORE YOUR HOMEWORLDS' STARS HAD EVEN FORMED FROM THE NEBULAE! I HAVE LEARNED THE INNERMOST SECRETS OF HUNDREDS OF MILLIONS OF SAPIENT RACES, AND ERASED THEIR HISTORIES IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE! I HAVE CONQUERED TRILLIONS OF WORLDS, BEATEN FLEETS OF THOUSANDS, CONSUMED FOURTEEN GALAXIES OF FLESH AND MIND AND BONE!!!" * I said this in a freaking male vs. female game on a forum for crying out loud! "If I must stand alone against a legion of females, then I shall. If I must stay here by my lonesome forever more, then I shall. If I must accept that I may be the last remaining male in a battle for dominance, then I shall. But if you tell me to stand down, that I should just give up and accept that the females have won, then I SHALL NOT!!! Hear it that upon this day, this February 23rd, I said no. And I stood against the oncoming storm of females. And I stood PROUD!"